TAKEN! A Tale of Two Snails
CAST:
Herman: An astrea snail, pondering the meaning of life
Moe: Herman's best friend
McPuffa: The villain
ACT I:
[Scene opens on two snails having a conversation on the side of the tank]
HERMAN: Moe, I'm telling you, that big shape is actually alive!
MOE: Nah, c'mon. Just because we don't know what it is doesn't mean it's supernatural. Could be a cloud. Could be a shadow.
HERMAN: I know our eyes are tiny, but I swear that big shape actually moved the magnet. Then this other time, I swear there was this bright light and a white thing came down and...
MOE: Oh don't star that abduction thing again. I don't want to hear it!
HERMAN: But..
MOE: NO! Don't even start.
HERMAN: I'm telling you, one minute I was here, then next minute I was on the bottom of the tank!
MOE: Whatever, man. You need help.
ACT II:
[Scene opens on Herman and Moe next to a powerhead]
MOE: Dude, this is crazy!
HERMAN: Don't call me crazy! I'm not crazy, and I'll prove it!
MOE: Fine, okay, sure. What the heck did you want me to do?
HERMAN: When we were both radio operators in MW I (Molluscan War One) we learned morse code, right?
MOE: Yes, but I haven't used that since I was a plankter.
HERMAN: You remember SOS, though, don't you? Three Longs, then three Shorts, followed by three Longs, right?
MOE: Sure, sure. Why?
HERMAN: We're going to wedge ourselves behind the big whoosh thing and tap that out. If I'm right, we'll make CONTACT with the aliens.
MOE: By beating our brains out against the wall? Heck, I'll hit you on the head right now and you'll see stars. Doesn't prove anything.
HERMAN: Funny. Seriously, though. Me and the crabs were talking..
MOE: The crabs? I thought you stopped talking with those lowlifes when you kicked the habit. You know their brains get soft when they shed, right? You really can't listen to them. Momma always said, never trust something that throws away it's shell once a month.
HERMAN: Doesn't matter. See, we were talking and they swear that they've seen the aliens. Enrique, you know, the mexican red-legged? He swears that last week when he climbed up into that big acro to scope out some food that the alien picked him up and threw him down to the ground.
MOE: And you're listining to a guy that eats fish poop?
HERMAN: Doesn't mean he's not right.
MOE: Fine, whatever. So how do we do this? I gotta get back to Sheila. She's getting ready to lay down a string of eggs, and if you make me miss that, I'll kick your operculum.
HERMAN: So here's the plan...
ACT III
[Scene opens on Herman and Moe, wedged behind a powerhead.]
HERMAN: AGAIN, man, do it AGAIN!
MOE: My shell is killing me, I don't think I can do this any more!
HERMAN: Dude, I know if we keep this up, it'll work. It's gotta work! Please, for me?
MOE: You're paying to have my shell re-coralined if it's scratched as bad as I think it is.
HERMAN: Yeah, no problem. I got you covered.
MOE: Alright, I'll do the 'Shorts' and you do the 'Longs'.
[The snails start tapping out their code against the glass]
HERMAN: It's working, I think I see something!
MOE: Where? I don't see anything?
HERMAN: [pointing with one eyestalk) There, right there, see the shadow?
MOE: I see a shadow, but it's kinda small. And I thought you said the shadow was from above?
HERMAN: .....
MCPUFFA: Hello boys!
THE END
